etiquettes of the husband p.3

The woman is the head of the household, the one responsible for it. So do not attempt to meddle into affairs that do not fall into your area of duties and responsibilities, such as the food and the order of the house.

Beware of scolding your wife or blaming her for a mistake she committed, in the presence of others, even if they are your own children. For indeed that is an act that goes against correct behavior and it will lead to raising anger in the hearts of people.

If you are forced to place punishment upon your wife, then let it be by staying away from her at bedtime. And do not boycott her except that it is done within the household. And avoid using foul language, insulting her, beating her and describing her with repulsive names. For these matters do not befit an exemplary husband.

Having jealousy and caring about the modesty of your wife is a praiseworthy thing, which shows your love for her. However it is on the condition that you do not go to great extremes in this jealousy. For then at that point, it would turn into something worthy of no praise.

When entering the house, do not alarm your family by entering upon them suddenly. Rather, enter while they are aware of it, and greet them with Salaam. And ask about them and how they are doing. And do not forget to remember Allaah, the Mighty and Sublime, when you enter the house.

Beware of spreading any secrets connected with the intimate encounters you have with your wife, for that is something restricted and forbidden.

Constantly maintain the cleaning of your mouth and the freshening of your breath.

Guardianship of your wife doesn't mean that you can exploit what Allaah has bestowed upon you from taking charge of her, such that you harm and oppress her. 


for more visit: http://perfectmuslimhusband.blogspot.com

etiquettes of the husband p.2

The relationship between the spouses must contain one singular and specific nature. And it cannot be this way unless the couple begins demolishing all the obstacles and impediments that stand between them. For example, the husband should not feel timid and restrain himself from drinking out of the same cup that his wife drinks out of.

There is no human being that is perfect. So there is no doubt that the husband will see things in his wife that does not comply with his natural disposition and preferences. If these aspects are not in opposition to the fundaments of the Religion or to the obedience of the husband and his rights, then at that point, he should not try to change her personality so that it complies with his natural preference. 

And he must always remember that for each member of the couple, there will be an aspect of ones personality that conflicts with the others personality. And he should also remember that if there are some characteristics that he doesn't find pleasing in his wife, then indeed she has other characteristics, which will definitely be pleasing to him. 

Do not let Ramadaan be a barrier that impedes you from showing affection to your wife, such as by kissing her. But this is so long as you are able to refrain yourself, since what is forbidden during the days of Ramadaan is only sexual intercourse. 

Do not chase after the errors of your wife and recount them to her, for too much blaming and reprimanding will worsen the relationship between the two of you, and it will pose a threat to your marital life. So overlook your wife's easy ability to make mistakes, and make her falling into them seem like something small. 

If you are able, do not hold back from providing your wife with good clothing and food, and from being generous in spending money on her. This is of course according to the extent of your ability. 

Do not give little importance to implementing the punishment required for any acts in opposition to the Religion, which your wife has committed, whether it is in the home or outside it. This should be the main reason that causes you to become angry, thus no other reason should affect you (besides this one). 

What has been stated previously does not mean that you should leave matters alone until that result comes to happen. Thus, whenever you realize that a matter is left alone, weigh it with seriousness and determination, without being too harsh or rude about it. 


for more visit: http://perfectmuslimhusband.blogspot.com

Etiquettes of the husband p.1

Etiquettes of the husband: 

It is not from the deficiencies, but rather from good manners, that the husband shares in the responsibility of specified matters, such as the mending of garments or what is similar to that. 

It is appropriate for a man to not restrict himself from serving himself. This is since the wife takes care of the household affairs. So therefore, it is from good manners that the husband extend a helping hand to his wife in the house, during times of necessity, such as when she is sick, pregnant, has given birth or similar to that. 

The exemplary husband is he who cooperates with his wife by bearing good relations and showing kind manners (to her), according to the full extent of the meaning contained in these (last) two expressions. Truly, the husbands who are best at working alongside their wives are the best of mankind in the view of Islaam. This good way of living between the spouses must be deeply imbedded into the daily marital life, even at the time of divorce. 

Beware of characterizing the relationship between the spouses with over-seriousness! For indeed characterizing the family life with a militaristic nature amounts to one of the causes for failure and bad results. 

From the kind and noble manners of the husband is that he complies and assents to the requests of his wife, so long as they are not forbidden in the Religion. And being luxurious in food, drink and clothing is at the entrance of matters forbidden in the Religion. 

The husband should specify a time in which he can play around and pass free time with his wife. 



for more visit: http://perfectmuslimhusband.blogspot.com

ten tips...

No one ever thinks about the characteristics of a Muslim husband. It is always what a wife should do for the husband…and the list never ends; home management, tutoring, ferrying the kids, caring, cooking, cleaning, washing, working, you name it, she is doing it. So what about the brothers?
Our beloved Prophet SAW was not like this. So, why should the men of this Ummah? It is quite interesting. So I thought I’d share it with you!!!  What a Muslim husband should be like…

1. Dress up for your wife, look clean and smell good. When was the last time you went shopping for the best clothing? Just like the husband wants his wife to look nice for him, she also wants her husband to dress up for her too. Remember that the Prophet (PBUH) would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved the sweetest smells.

2. Use the best names for your wife. Call your wife by the most beloved names to her, and avoid using names that hurt their feelings.

3. Don’t treat her like a fly. We never think about a fly in our daily lives until it ‘bugs’ us. Similarly, a wife will do well all day – which brings no attention from the husband – until she does something to ‘bug’ him. Don’t treat her like this; recognize all the good that she does and focus on that.

4. If you see wrong from your wife, try being silent and do not comment! This is one of the ways the Prophet (PBUH) used when he would see something inappropriate from his wives (R.A). It’s a technique that few Muslim men have mastered.

5. Smile at your wife whenever you see her and embrace her often. Smiling is Sadaqah and your wife is not exempt from the Muslim Ummah. Imagine life with her constantly seeing you smiling. Remember also those Hadeeth when the Prophet (PBUH) would kiss his wife before leaving for Salah, even when he was fasting.

6. Thank her for all that she does for you. Then thank her again! Take for example a dinner at your house. She makes the food, cleans the home, and a dozen other tasks to prepare. And sometimes the only acknowledgment she receives is that there needed to be more salt in the soup. Don’t let that be; thank her!

7. Ask her to write down the last ten things you did for her that made her happy. Then go and do them again. It may be hard to recognize what gives your wife pleasure. You don’t have to play a guessing game, ask her and work on repeating those times in your life.

8. Don’t belittle her desires. Comfort her. Sometimes the men may look down upon the requests of their wives. The Prophet (PBUH) set the example for us in an incident when Safiyyah (R.A) was crying because, as she said, he had put her on a slow camel. He wiped her tears, comforted her, and brought her the camel.

9. Be humorous and play games with your wife. Look at how the Prophet (PBUH) would race with his wife Aisha (R.A) in the desert. When was the last time we did something like that?

10. Always remember the words of Allah’s Messenger (PBUH): ‘The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family.’ Try to be the best!

In conclusion: Never forget to make Dua to Allah Ta’ala to make your marriage successful.

for more visit: http://perfectmuslimhusband.blogspot.com

Faithful?

It should also be realised the husband is required to be faithful in marriage as the wife must. The punishment for adultery of a married person, male or female, under the Shari’ah is death. The fact that the punishment may not be applied in this world, does not make the sin any less in the sight of Allah. A sin that is not expiated in this world is after all going to follow a person to the grave.
Therefore the husband should not fail to follow Allah’s command in the Qur’an:

"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to be mindful of their chastity: verily this will be most conductive to their purity (and) verily Allah is aware of all that they do."[Qur’an 24:30]

Those married men who cruise around in their cars looking for school girls to pick up are surely disgracing themselves, and forfeiting all right to require chastity of their wives.
If for some reason, the husband cannot manage with his first wife but does not want to divorce her, he is not prohibited from contracting another marriage, provided it is done in a legal and honorable way.

The permission to marry more then one wife at a time is however conditional:

".......if you fear you cannot do justice between them, then marry only one." [Qur’an 4:3]

This condition is often taken very lightly in some countries, where polygamy has long been a social custom. No words in the Qur’an, however, are without meaning, this verse should not be taken lightly. A weak husband will not be respected and will not act fairly between his wives, whereby, his marrying more then one is likely to lead to injustice, constant disharmony and the break up of his family. This is not in his interests or theirs or in the interests of the Muslim Ummah.
If having married more then one, however, a husband finds his heart inclining to one at the expense of the other, he is warned that this inclination should not reach the stage of neglect of the needs of the other wife:

"And you will not be able to treat your wives with equal justice however much you desire it.
But do not incline towards one to the exclusion of the other, leaving her as it were in suspense." [Qur’an 4:29]

This warning against injustice is strongly reinforced by the Hadith in which Abu Hurairah (raa) reported the Prophet (saws) as saying:
"Whoever has two wives and does not treat them equally, shall come on the day of resurrection with half his body hanging down." [Abu Da’ud, Nasa’i, and Ibn Majah]

What does it mean to be a husband?

What does it mean to be a husband?

Becoming a husband will change your life – for the better, of course! The very special relationship between spouses is a wonderful and humbling experience: your wife is the person that you have chosen to spend and share your life with, through all its ups and downs. When things go well, she is there to celebrate with you; when things go wrong, she gives comfort and support. She does not judge you on your failures and is all too often working behind the scenes to ensure that your life together runs smoothly.

The bond shared by a husband and wife is best summed up as follows:

“They are your garments and you are their garments.” [Surah Al Baqarah 2:187]

So, what does it mean to be a husband? How should a husband behave and how should he treat his wife? The Qur’an shows us the standards expected from an ideal Muslim husband, the most important of which are summarised below.

In Islamic custom, men are regarded as “guardians” of the family – Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala سبحانه و تعالى) has made them stronger and they are expected to expend of their means to provide for the family. This does not mean that they are superior to women; rather they are expected to act as protectors and providers:

“Men are protectors and maintainers of women.” [Qur’an 4:34]

Duties

Above all, a husband’s duty is to provide for his wife and family. This means food, clothing and shelter according to his means. A husband is also expected to bring financial security to the relationship as women have no financial duty to the family.

A husband should protect his wife from harm and provide support and comfort. She should be treated with respect and kindness.

“House women wherever you reside, according to your circumstances, and do not harass them in order to make life difficult for them.” [Qur’an 65:6]

An exemplary husband spends time with his wife and enjoys her company. He smiles and shows affection. Although there are times when intercourse is forbidden, and this includes Ramadan, do not let these times become a barrier to affection.

A husband is responsible for his wife’s Islamic education. If she comes from a family where this has been neglected, then he must find a way to ensure that she is educated about Islamic customs and to encourage her to adopt Islamic principles. He may choose to teach her himself. Of course, if your wife’s faith is on a par with yours, then undertaking further Islamic study together and escalating your faith is a wonderful thing to do as a couple.

Although the husband is regarded as the head of the family; this leadership is not in any way expected to be a form of dictatorship, resulting in the suppression of your wife. Consult your wife regarding family matters and take her advice if it is sound. Follow the Qur’an and Sunnah in ensuring that your family behave in an Islamic way.

“All of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards. The ruler is a guardian and the man is a guardian of his family; the lady is a guardian who is responsible for her husband’s house and his offspring; and so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards.” [Bukhari]

The wife is the head of household, although it shows good manners to help with household chores, especially when your wife is sick, pregnant or has recently given birth. Show appreciation for all she does for you and in the household.

The Prophet (ṣall Allahu ʿalayhi wa sallam صلى الله عليه وسلم‎) as a husband

There can be no better role model than the Prophet (ṣall Allahu ʿalayhi wa sallam صلى الله عليه وسلم‎) himself. There is much information and guidance laid down in the Ahadith and the Sirah (biography of the Prophet (ṣall Allahu ʿalayhi wa sallam صلى الله عليه وسلم‎)), which is of benefit to all husbands who endeavour to be the best they can be. And the Prophet (ṣall Allahu ʿalayhi wa sallam صلى الله عليه وسلم‎) encourages them to be the best that they can be:

“From among the believers are those that have the kindest disposition and are the kindest to their families – such are those who show the most perfect faith.” [Aishah (Radhiallâhu anha)]

“The best among them are those that are kindest to their wives.”  [Bukhari and Muslim]

Aisha (Radhiallâhu anha), wife of the Prophet (ṣall Allahu ʿalayhi wa sallam صلى الله عليه وسلم‎), related that he was pure and clean in thought and deed. He helped in the home, especially when Aisha was ill, and he was not ashamed to show his love for his wife. He sought her opinion and he spent time with her, often “playing games” – Aisha recounts that they sometimes had races. The Prophet never regarded women as second-class citizens.

Getting on

Naturally, there may be times when your marital relationship does not run smoothly. It is a part of life, and overcoming difficulties together is an important part of marriage life.

You should not dwell on aspects of your wife’s personality that you may not like. If they do not go against Islam, then do not try to change them. Equally, she will find traits in you that are less pleasing to her. It is important to work around these and to focus on each other’s good points.

Remember also that Islam does not give a man the authority to beat his wife. Domestic violence occurs in all societies and should not be tolerated. Some Muslims give their religion as an excuse for their actions but this is not the case. Husbands, who abuse their wives, whether physically or mentally, are merely weak and quick to anger. The Prophet (ṣall Allahu ʿalayhi wa sallam صلى الله عليه وسلم‎) said:

“He is not strong who throws people down, but he is strong among us who controls himself when he is angry.” [Bukhari and Muslim]

Ultimately, both husband and wife have the right to be treated with kindness and tenderness by their spouse and the right to intercourse and enjoyment of one another. For a truly successful marriage, however, you should make time to pray together and make Du’a to Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala سبحانه و تعالى).

A Happy Marriage

Tips to ensure your wife’s happiness

We should all strive to be the perfect husband, yet as human beings we are not perfect and are, therefore, prone to making mistakes. Likewise, our wives cannot be perfect and by expecting them to be so, we are merely setting ourselves up for disappointment. Knowing how to act when you have made a mistake and learning to forgive your wife for hers is essential advice for a realistic marriage. A happy marriage needs to be constantly worked at and nurtured by both spouses. Read on for some ways in which you can bring contentment to your wife.

Kindness
Your wife is the closest person to you in the whole world, yet many of us show our best side to people outside the home. We make such an effort to impress and to make the right impression, yet we do not do this at home. Who is most deserving of your best side? Surely it is your spouse.
Muslim men are required by the teachings of the Qur’an and the ahadith of the Prophet (ṣall Allahu ʿalayhi wa sallam صلى الله عليه وسلم‎) to show kindness to their wives. Smile when you return home, speak kind words and use positive language. Praise your wife when she pleases you and show gratitude for all she does for you. Make the most of her best points and do not dwell on those aspects of her character that may be less pleasing to you.
“A believing man should not have any malice against a believing woman. He may dislike one characteristic in her, but may find another in her which is pleasing.” [Muslim]
Unfortunately, some Muslim men, who do not have a full understanding of the Qur’an and Sunnah, believe that it is acceptable to use violence against their wives. Islam allows a symbolic beating but using an item that will not bring harm, such as a toothbrush or a handkerchief. You are not permitted to try to control your wife, intimidate her or act violently towards her. This is termed as abuse and it is punishable by law. It is also a shameful act, committed by weak individuals who are unable to control their anger.

Friendship
Become your wife’s best friend, not just her husband. Spend time together doing things that you both enjoy. Share your interests and your thoughts. Be open with one another and show that you can be a trusted confidant.

Sense of humour
Have a sense of humour. Smile, have fun. Ensure that your home is a happy place. Life is hard enough so let in a little humour to ensure that any challenges you face do not get you down.

Personal appearance
Take care with your personal appearance. Keep yourself clean and make an effort to look good for your wife. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that you no longer need to make yourself attractive to her now that you are married.

Sexual relations
Respect your wife’s likes and dislikes and stick to what is halaal. Remember that foreplay is an essential part of intercourse and that intercourse is not over until your wife has been satisfied too. Do not pressure her to do anything that she does not feel comfortable with.
Never reveal your bedroom secrets to others. Intimate acts between a husband and wife should remain private.

Finances
Muslim men are told:
“Provide for them (your wives), the rich according to his income and the poor according to his means, the provision according to the custom, this is an obligation for those who act kindly.” [2:236]
Men are advised to spend generously on their wives and family, yet live within their means. Give to your wife before she needs to ask you for anything, yet do not be wasteful.

Household
Although Islam tells us that household duties are usually the wife’s responsibilities, a little help goes a long way. The Prophet Muhammad (ṣall Allahu ʿalayhi wa sallam صلى الله عليه وسلم‎) helped his wives and sets a shining example to us. Don’t expect your wife to do it all. An offer of help will be greatly appreciated by your partner, especially when she is unwell. Most of all, show your wife how much you appreciate everything she does for you.

Consultation
Consulting your wife on family, household or financial matters will help to cement your relationship. Listen carefully and consider her opinion. Feeling that her views are important to you will help your wife to feel valued and increase her trust in you.

Respect for family and friends
Treat her family and friends respectfully. Pay them visits and invite them to your home. Help them out when they need it. They will do the same for you. Take time to get to know them and learn to love what your wife loves about them. Your wife will love you all the more for it!

Disagreements
Be careful of what you say. In the heat of the moment we often say hurtful things that we don’t really mean. A spiteful word or insult may stay with your partner for a long time. Let your anger die down first. Wait until you are alone and do not bring shame upon yourselves by arguing in the company of others.
Do not bring up past arguments or mistakes. Reopening old wounds only leads to bitterness. Leave them in the past.
Finally, always settle an argument before going to sleep. Do not allow your anger to persist into the following day as this will only make matters worse.

Forgiveness
If you make a mistake, admit it and ask for forgiveness. Be prepared to forgive your wife’s mistakes too. Honesty is essential in a relationship. We ask Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala سبحانه و تعالى) for forgiveness, so why not our spouses too? Forgive each other and move on.

Support
As a husband, you should be your wife’s greatest supporter. Encourage her in her activities and give her a shoulder to lean on when she is upset. Be a counsellor and a source of inspiration to her when things go wrong.
If you have married a wife who has ambition, it is up to you to let her know that she does not have to spend her life doing housework. There have been many well-known women scholars and many women have played important roles in Islam. Allow your wife the freedom to accomplish her goals in life and your lives will be all the richer for it.

Islamic education
Help your wife to grow as a Muslim. If she was less practising than you prior to marriage, then teach her the basics of Islam, Islamic rules and Sunnah. Teach her to pray and spend time praying together. Make du’a for Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala سبحانه و تعالى) to bless your marriage. You can encourage your wife to attend lessons or Islamic social events (halaqahs) in your community or at the masjid.
If you are on a par in your worship then devise ways in which you can further your Islamic knowledge and commitment together. This will strengthen your relationship with Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala سبحانه و تعالى) as well as with each other.
If you have married a woman who has recently converted to Islam then you will need to be patient. Offer support and encouragement and help her with her understanding of Islam but do not try to force the pace of change. A change of faith and lifestyle is a lot to adapt to straightaway. Let her take her time and to adopt new aspects of Islam as she becomes comfortable with them.

Nurture your relationship
Keep your relationship fresh by surprising your spouse occasionally. Give little gifts, flowers or send a card. The Prophet (ṣall Allahu ʿalayhi wa sallam صلى الله عليه وسلم‎) told us that giving gifts increases mutual love. What better reason do you need?

Make your marriage an act of worship
Finally, remember that by marrying you are completing half your deen. When both spouses strive to please Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala سبحانه و تعالى), their marriage becomes an act of worship. This will please Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala سبحانه و تعالى) and He will reward you with happiness and stability in your marriage.