Sunday, June 27, 2010

Husbands: Your Wife is not a Fly in Your Ear

For Brothers Only….Seriously: Stop, Look, and Listen
By Abdul-Qadir Kazeem

You are having a wonderful day. The sun is out, there is a nice breeze, and you are reading your favorite book on the porch. Nothing could possible ruin this moment.


Right in your ear. A fly. Now you have to waste 5 minutes in battle with it as it tries to land in your ear over and over. You know what is interesting about this situation? The fly could have been sitting next to you for several hours, and you did not notice it until it came and buzzed in your ear. Now is when the presence of the fly matters.

You know what else is interesting about this situation? This is how many brothers treat their wives. They only notice them when they are trying to ‘bother’ them. This could possibly bring up feelings of resentment in your wife, the fact that the only time you seem to be interested in her is when you need something from her, or when she bugs you. This is actually one of the three A’s that women need: attention. Women need attention to feel that they matter to you. As a matter of fact, everyone needs this, to feel that they matter to someone. It was said that one of the greatest gifts you can give a loved one is effective listening. One of the things that lets someone know you are listening attentively is when you actually stop, look, and listen:


Stop whatever you are doing. Block out everything else. What the speaker has to say is all that matters at the moment.


Make eye contact with the person to let them know you are paying attention.


Let them know you are listening by head nods, verbal queues (yeah, uh huh), etc.

This is especially true when you are in an argument with your wife. If you both insist on talking and not listening, this is a collective monologue. You are either speaking or preparing to speak, which will get you nowhere. Make it a point to sincerely listen your wife’s point of view, and repeat back some of what was said to show that you understand. This will save you time and prevent putting more strain on the relationship (She never listens to me!!! She never tries to see things my way!!!). Even if you do not get your way when there is a clash, you are more likely to be content with the result if you felt the other person listened and understood your point of view.

So, my dear brothers, the next time you come home from work (I know I know, you had a hard day and you are tired), and your wife comes up to you with a big smile and starts to tell you about her wonderful day, what should you do? Stop. Look. Listen.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

"the best of you are those who are best to their wives"

The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, "And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions of your own nature ..." (Surah Al Nahl 16:72) Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala in His Infinite Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur'an, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)

But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.

Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She out ran him but later after she had gained some weight, he out ran her.

Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating.

Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "one would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife"

Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car's door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel.

Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more peace at home.

Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up even by throwing cold water on his/her face.

Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "the best of you are those who are best to their wives"

Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents" Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said " I don't like yours either"... Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Sunnah of Trimming Hair / Nails

Sunnah of Trimming Hair / Nails
Natural state

Zaid bin Arqam (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said that, 'He who does not remove bodily hair from below the navel, and does not trim the nails, and does not trim his moustache, is not one of us.' i.e. it is against our practice.

To grow the moustache below the lips is forbidden and a sin. Those who grow their nails long following fashion should be aware that this is a very serious matter and should be stopped as it is not fit for a Muslim to grow the nails, we should be representable and an example to the rest.

Natural things
Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that, 'Five are the acts of fitra (natural inclination): 1) circumcision, 2) removing the hair below the navel, 3) trimming the moustache, 4) cutting the nails, and 5) plucking the hair under the arms.'

Before Jumu'ah
Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) has related that, 'The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) before going to Friday prayer would clip his nails and moustache.'

Every fifteenth day
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) would get his nails pared every fifteen days.

Do not exceed forty days
Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) relates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said that, 'Do not let forty days elapse without trimming the moustache and paring the nails.'

Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) states that, 'To trim the moustache and nails and remove the hair under the arms and the hair below the navel we have been given a time to take them off, do not leave them for more than forty days (meaning trim them within forty days).'

Method of cutting nails
'Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates the way of cutting the nails: FOR THE RIGHT HAND: start of with the index finger, forefinger, ring finger and little finger, then moving onto the LEFT HAND: little finger, ring finger, forefinger, index finger, thumb and lastly the thumb of the right hand. Then to wash the hands after cutting the nails.

For toe nails - Start with the right foot small toe and proceed until the big toe, then start with the left foot big toe and & conclude with the small toe (Semi-circle).
There is no specified way recorded for trimming the nails but it is better to use the same method that Khilal (wiping in between the toes in ablution) is done.

It is requested that you also follow this blessed Sunnah and cut your nails in this manner. The biggest benefit one can gain is that if you teach others the Sunnah and they act upon it then you will gain the reward for this until it is practised and passed on, Insha-Allah!

What to do with them'
After cutting the nails and hair of the body, one should collect them all and bury them, since we all are made from soil and thus the hair and nails should be put back to the earth. .

Manners of cutting the fingernails & hair

1. To remove the hair directly below the navel, under the arms and to trim the nails once a week is Mustahab (preferable), it is permissible after fifteen days and to leave it for after forty days is disliked (Makrooh). It is preferable on Thursday or Friday as it is stated that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) would do this before Jumu'ah Salaah.
2. To wash the fingers after trimming the nails is desirable.
3. Do not bite your nails as it is disliked and a predisposition to infectious diseases.
4. To get rid of the hair under the navel is Sunnah and the best day is Friday.
5. It is permissible to use hair removal cream.
6. It is Sunnah to pluck and there is no problem in shaving the hair under the arms.
7. Do not remove the hair from inside the nose as it could affect an illness of sense. 'Abd-Allah bin Basheer (may Allah's Mercy be upon him) said that, 'Tweezing of the nasal hair can lead to a disease called Aakilah (cancer or gangrene).'
8. If the eyebrows become long, then to trim them is permissible.
9. To take of hair in any part of the body when in the state of impurity (when bathing is obligatory) is disliked (Makrooh).
10. The hair and nails should be buried and to flush them is disliked (Makrooh) as there is a chance of illness spreading.
11. Women should put the hair that has been removed from the head, naval and under the arm in a place that no non-permissible man can see (Ghair Mehram). As this is part of the Aurah and should be covered even after removing from the body.
12. Four things should be buried, blood, hair, nails and the cloth that has been used for the menstrual period (Haiz).

Sunday, June 6, 2010


Harshness And Rough Treatment Of One’s Wife

It is often the case that marital disharmony stems from the fact that a husband is harsh and severe in his treatment of his wife; perhaps he loves to lead, he is proud, or he wants to show his superiority over his wife. Whatever the reason, there is no excuse for treating one’s wife harshly.

In all aspects of life, a Muslim must avoid developing a severe and harsh character, one that will naturally repel others. But harshness is particularly unacceptable in one’s dealings with one’s wife and family. The Shari’ah commands Muslims to be gentle in their dealings, a fact that is alluded to in the
saying of Allah (SWT):

“And had you been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you” (Quran 3:159)

And in previously revealed Books, the Messenger of Allah (S.A.A.W) was described thus: “He is neither severe nor harsh-hearted” (Al-Bukhari 2125) Hudhaifah (RAA) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (S.A.A.W) said:

“Shall I not inform you of the most evil of Allah’s slave: the one who is severe and proud.” (Muslim/Ahmed)

He (SAAW) also said:
“When Allah ‘Azza wa-Jall (the Possessor of might and majesty) wants for goodness (to befall) the people of a household, He inserts gentleness into them (i.e., He guide them to be gentle in their dealings with one another).”

He (SAAW) also said:
“Whoever is disproved of gentleness is deprived of all goodness.” (Muslim/Ahmed/Ibn Majah and others)

In yet another Hadith, the Prophet (SAAW) said:
“The most complete of believers in Eemaan (faith, belief) is the best of them in manners and the gentlest (and kindest) of them to his family.”

To be sure, a husband is the head and leader of his family, but, as is the case with all leaders, he must govern them with gentleness, mercy, and good manners. And is a woman is afflicted with a husband who is harsh with her, she should be patient as much as she can, and she should try to soften his heart, using wisdom and kind words to achieve that end.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Five Simple Grooming Tips for Muslim Men

Five Simple Grooming Tips for Muslim Men
Easy Ways to be Clean and Stylish

Clothes make the man, but having a clean and well-groomed body under those clothes is also important.
It is not simply enough for a man to wear a thobe or outfit if his hair is greasy and unwashed and his hands are filthy. These four simple and easy grooming tips can help any man make sure he's ready to put on that stylish outfit and go out on the town.

Start at the top – Shampoo and Conditioner

It's a very basic grooming step, but it's also very important. Unwashed or greasy hair is a huge turn-off for women, especially if the hair is long or tangled. Even if the plan is simply to throw a hat on, having unwashed hair can both feel, and smell, unpleasant. Fortunately, many companies  are now making 2 in 1 shampoos and conditioners for men, which will easily take care of this little chore.

Hair should be clean, well-groomed and neatly kept. Said 'Ata ibn Yasar, "Once a man came before the Prophet (peace be upon him) with his hair and beard unkempt. The Prophet (peace be upon him) made some gestures as though ordering the man to comb his hair. He did so, and upon his return, the Prophet (peace be upon him) remarked, 'Is this not better than one of you coming with dishevelled hair, looking like a devil?'" (reported by Malik in Al-Muwatta)

Face Facts – Scrub out Those Pores

Many men don't bother with face scrubs or creams, but both can be very useful and are an essential part of grooming. Face scrubs contain small particles to scrub away dead skin on the face and forehead, and are often recommended prior to shaving, to make the hair easier to remove.

Creams or lotions are also an option, as many men suffer from dry skin. A small amount of lotion in the 'T' zone – the bridge of the nose and forehead – after a shower can make a world of difference once the skin dries again. Properly used and over time, these creams can reduce or eliminate many dry skin issues that men face, either because of natural body chemistry or the kind of work they do.

Facial Hair

Keeping  beards is ofcourse important and the Sunnah, making sure they are well-kept is extremely important. If you wish to trim your moustache/neck hair there are several tips to keep in mind. First, start by moistening the face. This can be done by applying warm water, either by hand, with a warm washcloth or by being in the shower. The advantage to shaving in the shower is that the heat and moisture will open up pores and make the hair softer, and therefore easier, to remove.

Second, apply either shave cream or shave gel. Be sure to apply enough to cover the entire area that is going to be shaved, but there is no need to apply so much that it is dripping off of the face. A light coating is all that is required.

Next, give the shave gel or cream some time to do its work. I f in the shower, this is a good time to clean the rest of the body or scrub the back – but either way, give the gel or cream a few minutes to moisten and soften the skin and hair.

Hands and Nails – Clipping and Cleaning

Two of the commonly missed areas of men's grooming are the hands and nails. Annas (RadiAllaho Ta’ala Anho) relates that the Messenger (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasalam) said, “Do not let forty days elapse without trimming the moustache and pairing the nails”. (Hadeeth taken from Muslim). Many men will condition and style their hair, shave well and then completely disregard their hands, even after a long day of work. Step one is to invest in a decent set of nail clippers. The small clippers which most women use will not do the job here – the larger version is preferable, especially for clipping toenails.

The Sunnah way of cutting the nails is as follows: Start with the right hand. Index finger, fore finger, ring finger and little finger. Then move onto the left hand. This time start with the little finger first, then ring finger, fore finger, index finger the thumb and lastly the thumb of the right hand. (repeat) (ask if the process is understood if not repeat a 3rd time) It is recommended to wash the hands after cutting the nails. The Messenger Sallallahu Alayhi Wasalam showed the following order when clipping his blessed toe nails: Again start with the right foot. Small toe first and proceed until the big toe. Then move onto the left foot. This time you start with the big toe and conclude with the small toe.

Once the nails have been clipped the next step is to clean the hands. A simple soap will do for the bulk of the dirt, but one often-missed area is under a man's nails, even if they are short. Most nail clippers will come with a small tool that can be used to remove any excess dirt under the nails, just be careful not to dig too deeply. Lastly, it can again be worthwhile to apply a small amount of lotion to the hands when coming out of the shower. This will allow the lotion to penetrate the skin while it is moist and will have a longer-lasting effect.

Sense of Smell :-)

The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings be upon him) said: "The best of perfumes is Musk" (Sahih Muslim) also Anas b. Malik relatesvthat the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:“Women and fragrance have been made dear to my affections, but prayer was made the sweetness of my eyes"

There are so many good quality oils and attars available today, go perfume shopping, take your wife with you... and discover your favourite fragrance!

"(by perfect muslim wife )