A Man of Principle

- Only if the Muslim husband is good and follows Islam will the family be able to lead a happy married life -

Quran the holy religious book of the Muslims has clearly laid down the principles and the qualities of an ideal Muslim husband. The Quran is the obvious place to look for the standards of the behavior of an ideal husband. Islam as in the west does not permit the practice of having girl friends and premarital sex. It has clearly laid down that men who are capable of supporting their wife should marry so as to protect their chastity. Men those who regard themselves as unfit for marriage are required to practice fasting. It is the Muslim family that plays a major role in choosing the right partner for both men and women. The Prophet (SAW) guides the Muslim husband to opt for a religious Muslim woman so as to have a happy and a binding moral Islamic marriage. It is therefore the ideal Muslim men who opt for a responsible attitude of the women to build a strong and everlasting marriage and Islamic relationship.

The first and foremost duty of a Muslim husband is to provide food, clothing and shelter to his wife and to his off springs as a result of the marriage. It is therefore understood that women have no financial duty towards supporting the family and it is the main duty of the men to provide financial security to the family. The Muslim husband is also required to give his wife company and not do anything that would harm his wife. The Muslim religious law permit's a wife to divorce her husband in case if she proves that her husband is harming her by beating her unlawfully or if he is addicted to alcohol. The Islamic religion requires a Muslim man to provide financial assistance to his wife even after divorce and does not permit to interfere in the way she would choose her life after divorce.

Further the Islamic law or the Islamic Shariah also requires the Muslim husband to educate his wife if she is not aware of the Muslim customs. He is not required to suppress her but protect and support her. An ideal husband is required to consult his wife on important family matters and follow it if he finds it to be reasonable and good. The Quran has authorized the Islamic husband to beat his wife lightly in case if she does not follow the Islamic norms and if she fails to obey her husband in spite of her being enlightened by him.

Finally an ideal Islamic husband is one who treats his wife with dignity. A husband is required to treat his wife in the best possible way with a smiling face and with lots of tolerance and an easy going nature. An ideal Muslim man would make his wife to adopt Islamic principles, would respect her and her family would support her and will stand by her at the time of a crisis. The most important duty of an Islamic personal is to keep a balance between his wife and his mother. It is with the good attitude and gentle nature that a Muslim husband would win over his wife so as to make a successful Islamic family.

Only if the Muslim husband is good and follows Islam will the family be able to lead a happy married life.

The Ideal Muslim Husband part 6

All the foregoing indicate that the women who is married to an ideal Muslim husband is protected but not suppressed, and is therefore likely to be happy and contented.

However, the Muslim husband is not expected to please his wife at all cost, if what pleases her may be wrong or against her interests or the interests of the family.

The Qur’an say’s:

"O you who have attained to faith! Ward off from yourselves and your families
that fire (of the hereafter) whose fuel is Human beings and stones."
[Qur’an 66:6]

In this respect a husband has a duty to ensure that his wife is fully educated as a Muslim. If this has been neglected in her parents’ home, he must take necessary steps to remedy it. Either by teaching her himself or by arranging for her Islamic education by other means. The husband is expected to give leadership in the family. We have seen that this form of leadership is not dictatorship or tyranny. The wise husband will, as indicated, consult his wife on important matters concerning the family, and if he sees her advice is good, accept it. However, Islam has given the man authority as the head of the family, and he is expected to abide by the Qur’an and Sunnah and endeavour to ensure that his family do not violate Islamic norms of behavior. The kind of treatment required should not therefore include condoning her misbehavior.

The Qur’an has prescribed a specific graded series of three steps, which the husband should take if the wife shows that she is rebelling against Islamic norms of conduct.

His first step should be to speak to her seriously about the implication and likely consequences of what she is doing. If she fails to respond to this sincere admonition, his next step is to suspend marital relations with her for a period of time, If this also fails he is permitted to beat her lightly as a final act of correction. If she then complies then the husband should take no further action against her. [Qur’an 4:34]

This beating is the last resort, and not the first one, and the Prophet (saws) placed some limitations on it, as follows:

(a) It should not be on the face or on any easily injured part of the body;

(b) It should not be hard enough to cause pain or injury or leave a mark.

The Prophet (saws) indicated that if a man must beat his wife it should be more or less symbolic, with something like a toothbrush.

The Prophet (saws) himself very much disliked the beating of wives, and never beat any of his own. In Abu Da’ud’s collection of Hadith he is reported by Laqit B. Sabrah to have said:

"Admonish your wife, and if there be any good in her she will receive it; and beat not your wife like a slave."

In another Hadith from Ayas b. Abdullah he specifically said:-

"Do not beat Allah’s female servants (i.e women)" [Abu Da’ud, Ibn Majah]

In Tirmidhi’s collection is another Hadith related by Amru b. al Ahwas:

"And enjoin on one another goodness towards women; verily they are married to you: you have no power over them at all unless they come in for a flagrantly filthy action; but if they are devoted to you, then seek no way against them. And verily, you have rights over your women, and they have rights over you." [Tirmidhi]

The Muslim husband therefore has no right to beat his wife indiscriminately or habitually for petty offences, and if he does, the wife has a right to seek divorce by a Shari’ah court. Similarly, as we can see, Islam has not authorised men to beat up their wives.

The phenomenon of wife beating is not peculiar to Muslim’s- it is found in all parts of the world among certain types of men. However, some Muslims unjustly claim that they have religious sanction when they beat their wives, while in most cases they are beating them only because they themselves are brutal by nature, or just in a bad temper.

Bad temper is to be controlled, not vented on the weaker sex. The Prophet (saws) referred to this in another Hadith when he said:

"He is not strong who throws people down, but he is strong among us who controls himself when he is angry." [Bukhari and Muslim]

Aisha observed this self-control in the Prophet (saws) behavior:

The Prophet (saws) never beat any of his wives or servants; in fact he did not strike anything with his hand except in the cause of Allah, or when the prohibitions of Allah were violated, and he retaliated on behalf of Allah.

The ideal Muslim husband therefore strives to emulate the Prophet’s (saws) practice by avoiding beating completely and discouraging it from others. It is not at all becoming for a Muslim to be a wife-beater in defiance of the Prophet’s (saws) explicit dislike of the practice.