Sunnah of Trimming Hair / Nails

Sunnah of Trimming Hair / Nails
Natural state

Zaid bin Arqam (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said that, 'He who does not remove bodily hair from below the navel, and does not trim the nails, and does not trim his moustache, is not one of us.' i.e. it is against our practice.

To grow the moustache below the lips is forbidden and a sin. Those who grow their nails long following fashion should be aware that this is a very serious matter and should be stopped as it is not fit for a Muslim to grow the nails, we should be representable and an example to the rest.

Natural things
Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that, 'Five are the acts of fitra (natural inclination): 1) circumcision, 2) removing the hair below the navel, 3) trimming the moustache, 4) cutting the nails, and 5) plucking the hair under the arms.'

Before Jumu'ah
Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) has related that, 'The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) before going to Friday prayer would clip his nails and moustache.'

Every fifteenth day
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) would get his nails pared every fifteen days.

Do not exceed forty days
Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) relates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said that, 'Do not let forty days elapse without trimming the moustache and paring the nails.'

Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) states that, 'To trim the moustache and nails and remove the hair under the arms and the hair below the navel we have been given a time to take them off, do not leave them for more than forty days (meaning trim them within forty days).'

Method of cutting nails
'Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates the way of cutting the nails: FOR THE RIGHT HAND: start of with the index finger, forefinger, ring finger and little finger, then moving onto the LEFT HAND: little finger, ring finger, forefinger, index finger, thumb and lastly the thumb of the right hand. Then to wash the hands after cutting the nails.

For toe nails - Start with the right foot small toe and proceed until the big toe, then start with the left foot big toe and & conclude with the small toe (Semi-circle).
There is no specified way recorded for trimming the nails but it is better to use the same method that Khilal (wiping in between the toes in ablution) is done.

Request
It is requested that you also follow this blessed Sunnah and cut your nails in this manner. The biggest benefit one can gain is that if you teach others the Sunnah and they act upon it then you will gain the reward for this until it is practised and passed on, Insha-Allah!

What to do with them'
After cutting the nails and hair of the body, one should collect them all and bury them, since we all are made from soil and thus the hair and nails should be put back to the earth. .

Manners of cutting the fingernails & hair

1. To remove the hair directly below the navel, under the arms and to trim the nails once a week is Mustahab (preferable), it is permissible after fifteen days and to leave it for after forty days is disliked (Makrooh). It is preferable on Thursday or Friday as it is stated that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) would do this before Jumu'ah Salaah.
2. To wash the fingers after trimming the nails is desirable.
3. Do not bite your nails as it is disliked and a predisposition to infectious diseases.
4. To get rid of the hair under the navel is Sunnah and the best day is Friday.
5. It is permissible to use hair removal cream.
6. It is Sunnah to pluck and there is no problem in shaving the hair under the arms.
7. Do not remove the hair from inside the nose as it could affect an illness of sense. 'Abd-Allah bin Basheer (may Allah's Mercy be upon him) said that, 'Tweezing of the nasal hair can lead to a disease called Aakilah (cancer or gangrene).'
8. If the eyebrows become long, then to trim them is permissible.
9. To take of hair in any part of the body when in the state of impurity (when bathing is obligatory) is disliked (Makrooh).
10. The hair and nails should be buried and to flush them is disliked (Makrooh) as there is a chance of illness spreading.
11. Women should put the hair that has been removed from the head, naval and under the arm in a place that no non-permissible man can see (Ghair Mehram). As this is part of the Aurah and should be covered even after removing from the body.
12. Four things should be buried, blood, hair, nails and the cloth that has been used for the menstrual period (Haiz).

Harshness

Harshness And Rough Treatment Of One’s Wife

It is often the case that marital disharmony stems from the fact that a husband is harsh and severe in his treatment of his wife; perhaps he loves to lead, he is proud, or he wants to show his superiority over his wife. Whatever the reason, there is no excuse for treating one’s wife harshly.

In all aspects of life, a Muslim must avoid developing a severe and harsh character, one that will naturally repel others. But harshness is particularly unacceptable in one’s dealings with one’s wife and family. The Shari’ah commands Muslims to be gentle in their dealings, a fact that is alluded to in the
saying of Allah (SWT):

“And had you been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you” (Quran 3:159)

And in previously revealed Books, the Messenger of Allah (S.A.A.W) was described thus: “He is neither severe nor harsh-hearted” (Al-Bukhari 2125) Hudhaifah (RAA) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (S.A.A.W) said:

“Shall I not inform you of the most evil of Allah’s slave: the one who is severe and proud.” (Muslim/Ahmed)

He (SAAW) also said:
“When Allah ‘Azza wa-Jall (the Possessor of might and majesty) wants for goodness (to befall) the people of a household, He inserts gentleness into them (i.e., He guide them to be gentle in their dealings with one another).”

He (SAAW) also said:
“Whoever is disproved of gentleness is deprived of all goodness.” (Muslim/Ahmed/Ibn Majah and others)

In yet another Hadith, the Prophet (SAAW) said:
“The most complete of believers in Eemaan (faith, belief) is the best of them in manners and the gentlest (and kindest) of them to his family.”

To be sure, a husband is the head and leader of his family, but, as is the case with all leaders, he must govern them with gentleness, mercy, and good manners. And is a woman is afflicted with a husband who is harsh with her, she should be patient as much as she can, and she should try to soften his heart, using wisdom and kind words to achieve that end.

Five Simple Grooming Tips for Muslim Men

Five Simple Grooming Tips for Muslim Men

Easy Ways to be Clean and Stylish

Clothes make the man, but having a clean and well-groomed body under those clothes is also important.
It is not simply enough for a man to wear a thobe or outfit if his hair is greasy and unwashed and his hands are filthy. These four simple and easy grooming tips can help any man make sure he's ready to put on that stylish outfit and go out on the town.

Start at the top – Shampoo and Conditioner

It's a very basic grooming step, but it's also very important. Unwashed or greasy hair is a huge turn-off for women, especially if the hair is long or tangled. Even if the plan is simply to throw a hat on, having unwashed hair can both feel, and smell, unpleasant. Fortunately, many companies  are now making 2 in 1 shampoos and conditioners for men, which will easily take care of this little chore.

Hair should be clean, well-groomed and neatly kept. Said 'Ata ibn Yasar, "Once a man came before the Prophet (peace be upon him) with his hair and beard unkempt. The Prophet (peace be upon him) made some gestures as though ordering the man to comb his hair. He did so, and upon his return, the Prophet (peace be upon him) remarked, 'Is this not better than one of you coming with dishevelled hair, looking like a devil?'" (reported by Malik in Al-Muwatta)


Face Facts – Scrub out Those Pores

Many men don't bother with face scrubs or creams, but both can be very useful and are an essential part of grooming. Face scrubs contain small particles to scrub away dead skin on the face and forehead, and are often recommended prior to shaving, to make the hair easier to remove.

Creams or lotions are also an option, as many men suffer from dry skin. A small amount of lotion in the 'T' zone – the bridge of the nose and forehead – after a shower can make a world of difference once the skin dries again. Properly used and over time, these creams can reduce or eliminate many dry skin issues that men face, either because of natural body chemistry or the kind of work they do.

Facial Hair

Keeping  beards is ofcourse important and the Sunnah, making sure they are well-kept is extremely important. If you wish to trim your moustache/neck hair there are several tips to keep in mind. First, start by moistening the face. This can be done by applying warm water, either by hand, with a warm washcloth or by being in the shower. The advantage to shaving in the shower is that the heat and moisture will open up pores and make the hair softer, and therefore easier, to remove.

Second, apply either shave cream or shave gel. Be sure to apply enough to cover the entire area that is going to be shaved, but there is no need to apply so much that it is dripping off of the face. A light coating is all that is required.

Next, give the shave gel or cream some time to do its work. I f in the shower, this is a good time to clean the rest of the body or scrub the back – but either way, give the gel or cream a few minutes to moisten and soften the skin and hair.

Hands and Nails – Clipping and Cleaning

Two of the commonly missed areas of men's grooming are the hands and nails. Annas (RadiAllaho Ta’ala Anho) relates that the Messenger (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasalam) said, “Do not let forty days elapse without trimming the moustache and pairing the nails”. (Hadeeth taken from Muslim). Many men will condition and style their hair, shave well and then completely disregard their hands, even after a long day of work. Step one is to invest in a decent set of nail clippers. The small clippers which most women use will not do the job here – the larger version is preferable, especially for clipping toenails.

The Sunnah way of cutting the nails is as follows: Start with the right hand. Index finger, fore finger, ring finger and little finger. Then move onto the left hand. This time start with the little finger first, then ring finger, fore finger, index finger the thumb and lastly the thumb of the right hand. (repeat) (ask if the process is understood if not repeat a 3rd time) It is recommended to wash the hands after cutting the nails. The Messenger Sallallahu Alayhi Wasalam showed the following order when clipping his blessed toe nails: Again start with the right foot. Small toe first and proceed until the big toe. Then move onto the left foot. This time you start with the big toe and conclude with the small toe.

Once the nails have been clipped the next step is to clean the hands. A simple soap will do for the bulk of the dirt, but one often-missed area is under a man's nails, even if they are short. Most nail clippers will come with a small tool that can be used to remove any excess dirt under the nails, just be careful not to dig too deeply. Lastly, it can again be worthwhile to apply a small amount of lotion to the hands when coming out of the shower. This will allow the lotion to penetrate the skin while it is moist and will have a longer-lasting effect.

Sense of Smell :-)

The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings be upon him) said: "The best of perfumes is Musk" (Sahih Muslim) also Anas b. Malik relatesvthat the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:“Women and fragrance have been made dear to my affections, but prayer was made the sweetness of my eyes"

There are so many good quality oils and attars available today, go perfume shopping, take your wife with you... and discover your favourite fragrance!


"(by perfect muslim wife )

NIKAH: HUSBAND'S OBLIGATIONS

NIKAH: HUSBAND'S OBLIGATIONS
by Ml I Khamisa for Al-Jamiat Magazine

Have you ever pondered over the Khutbah which the Imaam recited to you before you enthusiastically uttered ‘Nakahtuhaa Wa Qabiltuhaa Wa Tazawwajtuhaa?’

Let me help you and shed some light over this contract which you have made yourself party to, that is ‘The Nikah Contract’. The Imaam recited to you three verses from the Noble Qurãn:

Surah Nissa (4) verse 1
O Mankind Fear your guardian Lord who created you from a single soul, and He created from it its mate and from them He scattered many men and women…
Surah Aale Imraan (3) verse 102
O Ye who believe! Fear Allah as He should be feared and die not except in a state of Islam.
Surah Ahzaab (33) verse 70
O Ye who believe. Fear Allah and make your utterances straight.

TAQWA
The common element in each of these verses is the Arabic word ‘Taqwa’ (God Consciousness). In these verses you are reminded to fear Allah Taãla in the manner you treat the lady you are taking as your wife. There is no one to see the way you conduct yourself within your home. Let the fact and belief that Allah is watching guide you in your treatment of the woman you have made your wife by granting her the respect and dignity she deserves.

You have brought somebody’s daughter into your own home. She left her family, her friends, close associates and in many cases even the town that she grew up in and she came to a strange environment just to share the rest of her life with you. Was she handed over to you to be a target of your physical and verbal abuse?

The Prophet (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) is reported to have said in connection with the treatment of animals: ‘Fear Allah in your treatment of these animals who cannot speak.’ If this was his concern for the animals, how tremendously greater would his concern have been for humans; therefore, can you imagine what his reaction would have been to the wife battering that takes place nowadays?

What then are the most important ingredients of a happy marriage? Allah Taãla says in Surah Roum (30) verse 21.
‘And from amongst His signs is that He created for you from amongst yourselves partners, that you may live in tranquility with them, and He has created love and mercy between you. Verily in that are signs for those who reflect.’

It is this love and mercy that strengthens the bond of marriage. The ability to overlook each other’s faults goes a long way in cementing the relationship. Once a man came to Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) and said, ‘O Allah’s messenger, how many times should I forgive the wrongs of my slaves.’ The Prophet (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) replied, ‘Forgive them seventy times a day.’ If a worker is entitled to so much of compassion what about your lifelong companion?

BEST OF YOU

Today, we are very courteous to our clients, appreciative to our colleagues and cheerful to our friends. Unfortunately this warmth is not extended to the poor wife who is most deserving of this courtesy and charm. The Prophet (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) is reported to have said, ‘The most complete of believers in faith are those who are best in character. The best of you are those who are best to their wives.’ (Mishkat)

Every person has shortcomings. It is therefore quite natural to find this in your partner. The Prophet (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) has advised us to take pleasure in the good and overlook the bad. Have you ever spared the thought that there may be so many habits which you possess that may be bringing grief to your wife? She may have been patiently bearing it not wanting to hurt your feelings.

Let us go back and fulfil the demands of this contract.

TREAT YOUR WIFE AS YOU WOULD LIKE YOUR SON-IN-LAW TO TREAT YOUR DAUGHTER

The Ideal Muslim Husband part 9

There are of course numerous other facets of his personality and behavior, which contributed to making him an ideal husband.

He was of course clean and pure both in his thoughts and person, and very generous in accordance with his own saying:

"Verily Allah is pure and loves the pure, is clean and loves the clean, is beneficent and loves the beneficent, is generous and loves the generous." [Tirmidhi]

Another very important characteristic was his love of children. Love of her own children is almost automatic to a mother and with that love goes a care and concern for their children in any matter with the same degree of love, and consider the children to be "women’s affair". In our own society today this is a common phenomenon where it is the mother who often plays the major role in ensuring that the children are clothed and cared for, that their school fees are paid, that they learn good behavior and so on. While it is good that the mother shows this love and concern, it is not approved for father to abandon his own moral and financial responsibilities and ignore the proper education and upbringing of his own children.

We have mentioned the Prophet’s (saws) own role in the upbringing of his own daughters (it was only the daughters that survived to maturity) and on his emphasis on education for both sexes. There are also numerous Hadith indicating his love for children and his practice of showing his love for them.

For example in a Hadith from Abu Hurairah (raa) it is related as follows:

"The Prophet of Allah kissed his grandson Hassan the son of Ali in the presence of Agra’ B. Habis, whereupon Agra’ said: "Verily, I have children and yet I have not kissed any of them." The Prophet looked towards him and said: ‘ What can I do for you if Allah has taken away mercy from your heart. He that shows no mercy shall have no mercy shown to him." [Bukhari and Muslim]

The Muslim family is therefore ideally a very united family. Mutual understanding between husband and wife lies at the root of it. The Islamic upbringing of children is one of its most important functions. For it to succeed as the basic unit of the Muslim Ummah, both husband and wife need to know their duties and to practice self-control in trying to abide by the Islamic code of conduct within the family.

The Ideal Muslim Husband part 8

Another incident illustrates how the Prophet (saws) asserted his leadership of his family without harsh words or violence. This is revealed in the way he treated his wives when they became too demanding of the comforts of this world. Aisha (raa) related that before the capture of the oasis of Khaybar she had not known what it was to eat her fill of dates. The Prophet’s wives, fully aware of the general poverty of the Muslims in Medina, asked only for their basic needs. After the capture of Khaybar with it’s rich agricultural produce, the Muslims were better off, and the Prophet (saws) was able to give his wives some presents, and they were not slow in learning to ask for more comforts. This led to problems because in fairness, what was given to one should be given to all, and this could not always be exactly fulfilled. There developed considerable resentment among some of his wives, which disrupted the peace of the household. When his advice to them was not heeded he followed the next Qur’anic step and withdrew himself from them all and stayed in a roofed verandah that was the only room he had apart from his wives’ apartments.

Rumor soon spread that the Prophet (saws) had divorced his wives, and the wives, in suspense, regretted bitterly their demands on him. He then let it be known through Umar that he had not divorced them but that he did not wish to see any of them until a full lunar month had elapsed.

At the end of the month he asked his wives one by one to make their own choice in accordance with the newly revealed verses of the Qur’an:

"O Prophet, say to your wives: If you desire but the life of this world and it’s charms, then come and I will bestow it’s goods upon you, I will release you with a fair release. But if you desire Allah and his messenger and the abode of the hereafter, then verily Allah has laid in store for you a mighty reward, for such of you as do good."
[Qur’an 33:28-29]

Aisha replied without hesitation: "Verily, I desire Allah and his Messenger and the abode of the hereafter" and there was not one of his wives who did not choose the same. These events are related in a number of Hadith books, including Bukhari and Muslim. *



Here we see a husband who in spite of his love and sympathy for his wives, would not be carried away to commit injustice between them, not put himself into difficulties or wrong -doing in order to satisfy their desires beyond what was necessary. He was not ready for the role of the "hen-pecked husband." His firmness in the matter quickly made his wives see it in its proper perspective, and peace was restored to the household without recourse to divorce or even harsh word.

It is incidents like these that make it quite clear why the Prophet (saws) is held up a beautiful example to the Muslims in every aspect of his life.

The Ideal Muslim Husband part 7

This brings us to another interesting aspect of the Prophet’s (saws) relationship with his wives.....

He apparently allowed his wives to do what is called "answering back" to men who think that women, like children, should be seen and not heard. There are several recorded instances of the Prophet’s (saws) companions remonstrating with him or with his wives about this practice. Nevertheless he chose to allow his wives to speak their minds.

An incident related in Ibn Ishaq’s sirat Rasul Allah (An early biography of the Prophet*) makes an interesting reading:

One day Umar rebuked his wife for something and she sharply answered him back: and when he expostulated with her she replied that the wives of the Prophet (saws) were in the habit of answering him back so why should she not do the same? "And there is one of them," she added, meaning their daughter (Hafsah), "Who speaks her mind unabashed from morning until night." Greatly troubled by this, Umar went to Hafsah, who did not deny that what her mother said was true. "You have neither the grace of Aisha nor the beauty of Zainab," he said, hoping to shake her self confidence; and when these words seemed to have no effect, he added: "Are you so sure that if you anger the Prophet (saws), Allah will not destroy you in his anger?" Then he went to his cousin Umm Salamah (another wife of the Prophet) and said: "Is it true that you speak your minds to Allah’s messenger (saws) and answer him with no respect?". "By all that is wonderful,"said Umm Salamah, "What call have you to come between Allah’s messenger (saws) and his wives? Yes, by God, we speak our minds, and if he allows us to do so that is his affair, and if he forbids us he will find us more obedient to him then we are to you." Umar then realised he had gone too far and withdrew.

In this anecdote we can clearly hear the voices of women who respect their husband not because they are afraid of him or out of hypocrisy, but out of genuine admiration and love. The fact that he allowed them to speak their minds shows that the Prophet (saws) never regarded women as slaves or second-class citizens but as human beings to whom Allah (swt) has given reason and the ability to distinguish right from wrong as he has given them to men.

Aisha went further in a Hadith to say that when the Prophet (saws) told her something she would question him closely about it so that she could understand its justification before she was satisfied. The Prophet (saws) did not tell her she had no right to cross question him because he was a Prophet and a man, while she was only a young woman. It appears on the contrary that he appreciated her critical faculty and clear thinking.

*Retold in Muhammad- his Life based on the Earliest Source by Lings (Islamic Texts Society/George Allen & Unwin 1983)

From this we can see that the Prophet (saws) had such calm inner certainty and natural leadership qualities that he did not need to assert himself over his wives, or be on the defensive against them. Those men who behave like tyrants in the home, who assert their rule in an arbitrary or violent manner, are usually the weak ones who actually suffer from hidden inferiority complexes and are afraid of being shown up as mentally or morally inferior to their wives. To forestall this they physically frighten their wives, who are then afraid to open their mouths in their husband’s presence, let alone to disagree with him.

The Ideal Muslim Husband part 6

All the foregoing indicate that the women who is married to an ideal Muslim husband is protected but not suppressed, and is therefore likely to be happy and contented.

However, the Muslim husband is not expected to please his wife at all cost, if what pleases her may be wrong or against her interests or the interests of the family.

The Qur’an say’s:

"O you who have attained to faith! Ward off from yourselves and your families
that fire (of the hereafter) whose fuel is Human beings and stones."
[Qur’an 66:6]

In this respect a husband has a duty to ensure that his wife is fully educated as a Muslim. If this has been neglected in her parents’ home, he must take necessary steps to remedy it. Either by teaching her himself or by arranging for her Islamic education by other means. The husband is expected to give leadership in the family. We have seen that this form of leadership is not dictatorship or tyranny. The wise husband will, as indicated, consult his wife on important matters concerning the family, and if he sees her advice is good, accept it. However, Islam has given the man authority as the head of the family, and he is expected to abide by the Qur’an and Sunnah and endeavour to ensure that his family do not violate Islamic norms of behavior. The kind of treatment required should not therefore include condoning her misbehavior.

The Qur’an has prescribed a specific graded series of three steps, which the husband should take if the wife shows that she is rebelling against Islamic norms of conduct.

His first step should be to speak to her seriously about the implication and likely consequences of what she is doing. If she fails to respond to this sincere admonition, his next step is to suspend marital relations with her for a period of time, If this also fails he is permitted to beat her lightly as a final act of correction. If she then complies then the husband should take no further action against her. [Qur’an 4:34]

This beating is the last resort, and not the first one, and the Prophet (saws) placed some limitations on it, as follows:

(a) It should not be on the face or on any easily injured part of the body;

(b) It should not be hard enough to cause pain or injury or leave a mark.

The Prophet (saws) indicated that if a man must beat his wife it should be more or less symbolic, with something like a toothbrush.

The Prophet (saws) himself very much disliked the beating of wives, and never beat any of his own. In Abu Da’ud’s collection of Hadith he is reported by Laqit B. Sabrah to have said:

"Admonish your wife, and if there be any good in her she will receive it; and beat not your wife like a slave."

In another Hadith from Ayas b. Abdullah he specifically said:-

"Do not beat Allah’s female servants (i.e women)" [Abu Da’ud, Ibn Majah]

In Tirmidhi’s collection is another Hadith related by Amru b. al Ahwas:

"And enjoin on one another goodness towards women; verily they are married to you: you have no power over them at all unless they come in for a flagrantly filthy action; but if they are devoted to you, then seek no way against them. And verily, you have rights over your women, and they have rights over you." [Tirmidhi]

The Muslim husband therefore has no right to beat his wife indiscriminately or habitually for petty offences, and if he does, the wife has a right to seek divorce by a Shari’ah court. Similarly, as we can see, Islam has not authorised men to beat up their wives.

The phenomenon of wife beating is not peculiar to Muslim’s- it is found in all parts of the world among certain types of men. However, some Muslims unjustly claim that they have religious sanction when they beat their wives, while in most cases they are beating them only because they themselves are brutal by nature, or just in a bad temper.

Bad temper is to be controlled, not vented on the weaker sex. The Prophet (saws) referred to this in another Hadith when he said:

"He is not strong who throws people down, but he is strong among us who controls himself when he is angry." [Bukhari and Muslim]

Aisha observed this self-control in the Prophet (saws) behavior:

The Prophet (saws) never beat any of his wives or servants; in fact he did not strike anything with his hand except in the cause of Allah, or when the prohibitions of Allah were violated, and he retaliated on behalf of Allah.

The ideal Muslim husband therefore strives to emulate the Prophet’s (saws) practice by avoiding beating completely and discouraging it from others. It is not at all becoming for a Muslim to be a wife-beater in defiance of the Prophet’s (saws) explicit dislike of the practice.

The Ideal Muslim Husband part 5

The Prophet’s (saws) attitude towards female children and female education is a beautiful elaboration of what is found in the Qur’an. The Qur’an not only forbade the jahiliyyah practice of female infanticide, but even condemned the practice of showing disappointment or anger over the birth of a female child. [Qur’an 16:58-59]

A Hadith related by Ibn Abbas in fact encourages the reverse:

"Whoever has a female child and does not bury her alive, nor hide her in contempt, nor prefers his male child over her, Allah will make him enter Paradise." [Abu Da’ud]

The Prophet (saws) showed the greatest love and affection for his female children, particularly for Fatima. Aisha (raa) related that:

"Whenever the Prophet (saws) saw Fatima (raa), he would welcome her, and rising from his seat would kiss her, and then taking her by the hand would seat her in his own seat." [Bukhari]

He decreed that every Muslim - male and female- must as a duty seek knowledge and prescribed education for all children in the following words:

"No present or gift of a parent, out of all the gifts and presents to a child, is superior to a good broad (general) education." [Tirmidhi and Baihaqi]

He laid special emphasis on the education of daughters:

"Whoever brings up two sisters or two daughters, and gives them a broad education, and treats them well, and gives them in marriage, for him is Paradise." [Abu Da’ud, Tirmidhi]

This concern for the education of girls was reflected in his teaching of Aisha (raa), who was still a young girl when he married her, and was only 18 when he died. She had a natural ability for learning and a strong sense of reasoning, and he taught her as much as she was ready to learn. He was so impressed and pleased with her learning that he even told people:

"You can learn half your religion from this rosy-cheeked girl."

He therefore encouraged people to consult her in religious matters, and after his death she became one of the major sources of Hadith.

From all this we can see that some people’s resistance to allowing their daughters to have access to knowledge is not only misguided but quite contrary to all the Prophet (saws) preached and practiced. An ideal-Muslim husband is therefore expected to be deeply committed to and involved in the education of all his children - the daughters as much as the son’s.

The Prophet (saws) respect for a wife’s intelligence and understanding was also reflected in his readiness to consult his wives and respond to their good advice. An instance of this practice is recorded on the occasion of the signing of the treaty of Hudaibihiyah. Many of the Muslims were reluctant to accept treaty. They did not want to go home without performing pilgrimage and they considered some parts of the Treaty disadvantageous to the Muslims. They were therefore reluctant to obey his instructions to slaughter their sacrificial camels and shave their heads, which would symbolise that the Pilgrimage was over and the matter closed. The Prophet (saws) withdrew to his tent in perplexity, and told his wife Umm Salamah what had happened. She advised him: "Go out and speak to no man until you have performed your sacrifice." The Prophet (saws) followed her advice, and slaughtered the camel calling: "Bismillah, Allahu akbar" in a loud voice, whereupon the Muslims forgot their reluctance and raced to make their own sacrifices.

The presence of Umm Salamah on this journey exemplifies another aspect of the Prophet’s (saws) dealings with his wives. One or more of them almost invariably accompanied him on his journeys and campaigns. To ensure fairness they would draw lots as to which wife or wives would accompany him.

His wives were thus not kept locked up so that they could not experience what was going on in the outside world. They wore modest clothes (hijab) and went out and saw everything that was going on, and they participated when necessary, for example in nursing the wounded on the battlefields.

The following Hadith is narrated by Aisha (raa):

"Umar once criticised the Prophet’s wife Saudah for going out, saying he had recognised her in the street. So she appealed to the Prophet (saws) for support and he supported her saying: "Women have the right to go out for their needs." [Bukhari]

Similarly the Prophet (saws) allowed his wives and other women to go out to the Mosques for their prayers. He also advised other men:

"Do not prevent the female servants of Allah (i.e Mosques)" [Muslim]

The ideal Muslim husband therefore does not impose restrictions on his wife greater then those imposed by Allah (swt), or by the Prophet (saws) on his own family.

The Ideal Muslim Husband Part 4

How did the Prophet (saws) then, behave as a husband? Obviously he observed the legal framework, but how did he behave in his day-to-day relationships with his wives?

A lot of information is to be gathered about this from the Hadith, both directly and indirectly, and also from the Sirah (the biography of the Prophet (saws)).

His guiding principle on the treatment of wives is stated in some well known Ahadith;

"From among the believers are those who have the kindest disposition and are the kindest to their families- such are those who show the most perfect faith. "The best among them are those who are kindest to their wives." [Bukhari and Muslim]

How did the Prophet (saws) himself exemplify this kindness?

Firstly he was not a difficult or remote or tyrannical husband of the type who regards all household chores as "women’s work". In a Hadith in Bukhari:

Aisha (raa) was asked by Al-Aswad b. Yazid what the Prophet used to do in the house. She replied: "He used to work for his family, that is serve his family, and when prayer time came, he went out for prayer." [Bukhari]

Other Hadith tell us that he used to mend his own clothes.

Secondly he didn’t make a fuss about food. It is recorded in a Hadith from Abu Hurairah (raa) in the collection of Muslim:

"Allah’s Messenger never found fault with food. If he liked something, he ate it, and if he disliked it, he just abstained from it." [Muslim]

Implying that he never complained about the food or it’s cooking.


Aisha (raa) reported that whenever she was sick, the Prophet (saws) would come to her to show his sympathy. Nor, was he ashamed to let it be known that his love for his wife was greater then his love for any other human being. It is recorded in the Hadith collections of Bukhari and Muslim that someone asked the Prophet: "Who among all the people is most beloved by you?" And he said "Aisha".

This love and understanding for Aisha did not eclipse his high regard for his first wife Khadijah, who had been his only wife for about 25 years until her death. Aisha (raa) reported that he always treasured the memory of Khadijah who had supported and encouraged him through the difficult years in Mecca, and that he use to regularly give gifts to Khadijah’s closest friends as an expression of his undiminished esteem and love for her.

The Prophet (saws) never held himself apart from his wives as if they were by their nature as women inferior. On the Contrary, he included "playing games with one’s wife" as one of the legitimate entertainment's. According to the following Hadith:

".......There is no amusement which is praiseworthy except three, namely training a horse, sporting with one’s wife and shooting arrows with a bow." [Abu Da’ud, Ibn Majah and Baihaqi]

In illustration of this practice, Aisha (raa) records that on more then one occasion she and the Prophet (saws) ran races and sometimes she won and sometimes he won. Most men nowadays consider it far beneath their dignity to play any sort of game with their wives, and their marriages are the duller and poorer for it.

I think this is one of the problems we encounter in the way we learn about the life of the Prophet (saws). Most of the history books dwell on the political and military aspects of the Prophet’s (saws) life, and his personality, which was obviously very attractive, eludes our knowledge. We tend to, for this reason picture him as always serious, while the Hadith informs us that although he rarely laughed aloud, "Nobody used to smile as much as he did." This is fully in accordance with the Hadith: "Smiling at your brother (Muslim) is a charity."

The Ideal Muslim Husband part 2

The legal obligations of a husband do not stop with provision of the basic requirements relating to maintenance and protection. He is also expected to give her company and marital relations, and to avoid doing anything that would harm her.

These obligations are enforced by the Shari’ah. If a man fails to maintain his wife or fails to visit her for more than a certain period of time, the wife has grounds to be granted a divorce by a Shari’ah Court. Similarly, if she can prove to the court that the husband is doing harm (Idrar), be it by drinking alcohol, or beating her without lawful cause, or abusing her or her parents and so on, she is entitled to be granted a divorce. In none of these cases can the husband claim back any part of the dowry or presents he has given to the wife. I would like to make a note here that every situation has to be evaluated on its merits and circumstances by a Shar'iah Court. These points mentioned above are general precepts in the Shar'iah.

The Husband is however urged in the Qur’an to avoid divorce and try to preserve marriage even if it is not ideal. This is to be done in the first instance by exercising patience with his wife’s faults. The Qur’an say’s;

"Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike a thing while Allah brings about through it a great deal of good."
[Qur’an 4:19]

The Prophet (saws) also emphasised the undesirability of divorce in a Hadith found in Abu Dau’d’s collection:

"The most hateful of all lawful things, in the sight of Allah, is divorce."

The ideal husband should therefore, if need arises, make full use of Qur’anic provisions for reconciliation and arbitration [Qur’an 4:34] before proceeding with divorce

If a man does divorce his wife, he should follow the steps approved in the Qur’an and Sunnah regarding a revocable divorce. This allows for cooling off and reconciliation before it becomes final on the final pronouncement. The divorce is not to be pronounced while the wife is in menstruation, but when she has finished menstruation and not yet resumed marital relations with the husband. (Qur’an 65:1) In other words divorce is not to be pronounced in anger or at random, but at a specific time when the husband is in control of his reason, and the wife herself is not in the state of emotional upset that sometimes occurs whilst she is pregnant or may accompany menstruation.

The husband is to continue good treatment of his wife even if divorce decided upon. He is to keep and feed her as before in his own house until the expiry of her iddah (waiting period) without harassment, [Qur’an 65:1, 65:6] and to make provision for her according to his means.

He is not to take back any of the gifts he may have given her before or during the marriage:

"The parties should either hold together on equitable terms or separate with kindness. It is not lawful for you (men) to take back any of your gifts from your wives."
[Qur’an 2:229]

On the contrary, the husband is to give her a gift or some form of maintenance to sustain her after divorce [Qur’an 2:241]. Moreover, he is not to interfere if after divorce she wishes to marry someone else:

"......and when you divorce women and they have reached the end of their waiting term, hinder them not from marrying other men if they have agreed with each other in a fair manner."
[Qur’an 2:232]

The husband should also know that according to the Shari’ah he is not always the one to have custody of his children after divorce, contrary to the common practice in some countries. It is the wife who is given priority in custody of children in many cases, in accordance with a Hadith related by Amru b. Shu’aib in Ibn Majah, which tells how a woman came to the Prophet (saws) and said:

"Truly my belly served as a container for my son here, and my breast served as a skin bag for him (to drink out of), and my bosom served as a refuge for him; and now his father has divorced me, and he (also) desires to take away from me." The Prophet (saws) said: "You have a better right to have him as long as you do not marry again." [Ibn Majah]

We would also like to point out again however, that the decision as to the custody of the children has to be evaluated by a Shar'iah Court, which will consider the particular circumstances surrounding the family and the children's best welfare.

In the Maliki School of Islamic Jurisprudence, this rule is systematised to give priority in custody of children to the mother and to 5 other relatives before the custody could be claimed by the father. This custody lasts until puberty for a son and until marriage for a daughter, while the financial responsibility for their maintenance remains with their father.

The knowledge of the necessity of separation from his children must certainly act as a reality check when a husband is indiscriminately deciding to divorce.