Reflecting on Our Roles in Ramadan

RAMADAN is the time of year in which we engage in a month-long process of introspection, repentance, and self-renewal. It is not only a time when we are to increase our commitment to performing various acts of worship such as fasting and prayer, but it should also be a time for reevaluating all aspects of our lives. As Muslims men, this process should include room for assessing our performance as both husbands and fathers.

For most people around the world, these are indeed strange and trying times. For Muslims, not much else needs to be said along these lines. Perhaps it is only knowing that this world is the realm of testing and that in one way or another in our lifetimes we will all be tested, that allows us to get up every day and face the outside world. For many family men, however, rigor and severity are not a reality only on the outside, but inside the home as well. For such individuals and their families, the abode of peace that the home is supposed to be is anything but that and many such families are living quiet lives of sadness, desperation, and rancor due to family relationships that are simply not working. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) in a very well-known Hadith was recorded as saying that marriage was equal to half of the deen [of Islam]. This profound statement by our master has spurred volumes of scholarly commentary over the centuries and from a layman s perspective, the Hadith is monumental in its meaning and importance for those who have embraced the way of marriage and family. Only through deep reflection on our lives as husbands and fathers can we begin to understand the essence of the Messenger s (peace be upon him) words and why marriage is awarded the weight of half of our faith as Muslims.

The life partnership and commitment that marriage entail should be approached as a spiritual undertaking that can be an important facilitator of individual spiritual development. Just as we are essentially spiritual beings in a human existence, marriage is a journey that if approached as such can be a rich source of learning and personal development for both spouses. As Muslim men, much of what we are taught about family life pertains to our roles and responsibilities as husbands, i.e. the X s and O s of marriage and family life.However, too often the spirit of marriage is ignored or missed. Too often, in the course of trying to manage our families, we completely overlook the nuances that make marriage and family so important a human experience. Often we overlook the patience, sacrifice, compromise, love, understanding, humility, strength, and so many other inputs that are needed to be a good husband and father.

These are the fruits of the dedication and hard work that go into family life that help us to develop into better and more universal human beings. Though certainly there is no magic formula for achieving a successful marriage and family life, selflessness, love, and service are a few key principles from the teachings of our tradition that, when applied, can have remarkable transformational qualities on our roles as husbands and fathers and subsequently, our families in general. 
 

The Ethics of Chivalry

Too many Muslims are involved in marriages that devolve into an empty observation of duties and an equally vacuous demand for the fulfillment of rights. While such practices are laudable in their proper context, when they are divorced from kindness, consideration, empathy, and true commitment they define marriages that become a fragile caricature. Such relationships are irreparably shattered by a silly argument, a few wrinkles on the face, or a few unwanted pounds around the waist.

In the literature discussing Futuwwa, which has been translated as Muslim chivalry, there is the story of a young man who was engaged to marry a particularly beautiful woman. Before the wedding day, his fiancée was afflicted with a severe case of chicken pox which left her face terribly disfigured. Her father wrote to him informing him of the situation and asking if he preferred to call off the wedding. The young man replied that he would still marry his daughter, but that he had recently experienced a gradual loss of sight, which he feared would culminate in blindness. The wedding proceeded as planned and the couple had a loving and happy relationship until the wife died twenty years later. Upon her death the husband regained his eyesight. When asked about his seemingly miraculous recovery he explained that he could see all along. He had feigned blindness all those years because he did not want to offend or sadden his wife. From our jaded or cynical vantage points it is easy to dismiss such a story as a preposterous fabrication. To do so is to miss an important point that was not lost to those who circulated and were inspired by this and similar tales. Namely, our religion is not an empty compilation of laws and strictures. The law is important and willingly accepting it is one of the keys to our salvation. However, the law is also a means to point us toward a higher ethical end. We are reminded in the Qur’an, “Surely, the prayer wards off indecency and lewdness.”(29:45) The Prophet Muhammad mentioned concerning the fast, “One who does not abandon false speech and acting on its imperatives, God has no need that he gives up his food and drink.” (Al-Bukhari) These narrations emphasise that there is far more to Islam than a mere adherence to rulings. This is especially true in our marriages. Too many Muslims are involved in marriages that devolve into an empty observation of duties and an equally vacuous demand for the fulfillment of rights. While such practices are laudable in their proper context, when they are divorced from kindness, consideration, empathy, and true commitment they define marriages that become a fragile caricature. Such relationships are irreparably shattered by a silly argument, a few wrinkles on the face, unwanted pounds around the waist, a personality quirk or a whimsical desire to play the field to see if one can latch on to someone prettier, wealthier, younger, or possibly more exciting than one’s spouse. These are issues that affect men and women. However, we men must step up and do our part to help to arrest the alarmingly negative state of gender relations in our communities. The level of chivalry the current crisis demands does not require that we pretend to be blind for twenty years. However, it does require some serious soul searching, and it demands that we ask ourselves some hard questions. For instance, why are so many Muslim men averse to marrying older or previously married women? The general feeling among the women folk in our communities is that if you are not married by the age of twenty-five, then you have only two chances of being married thereafter –slim and none. This sentiment pervades our sisters’ minds and hearts because of the reality they experience. Many brothers who put off marriage until they are past thirty-five will oftentimes marry someone close to half their age, passing over a generation of women who are intellectually and psychologically more compatible with them and would prove wiser parents for their children. Despite this problem, and the clear social, psychological and cultural pathologies it breeds, many of us will hasten to give a lecture reminding our audience of the fact that Khadija, the beloved wife of our Prophet, was fifteen years his senior. We might even mention that she and several of his other wives were previously married. Why is it that what was good enough for our Prophet is repugnant to ourselves or our sons? A related question would be, “Why are so many of our brothers so hesitant to marry strong, independent and intellectually astute women?” Many women in the West lack the support of extended family networks, which is increasingly true even in the Muslim world. Therefore, they must seek education or professional training to be in a position to support themselves if necessary, or to assist their husbands; an increasingly likely scenario owing to the nature of work in postindustrial societies. This sociological fact leads to women in the West generally manifesting a degree of education and independence that might not be present among women in more traditional societies and times – even though such societies are rapidly disappearing. Many Muslim men will pass over talented, educated women who are willing to put their careers and education on hold, if need be, to commit to a family. The common reason given is that such women are too assertive, or they are not the kind of women the prospective husband’s mother is used to. As a result a significant number of our sisters, despite their beauty, talent, maturity, and dynamism are passed over for marriage in favour of an idealised, demure “real” Muslim woman. The social consequences of this practice are extremely grave for our community. Again, we can ask ourselves, “To what extent does this practice conform to the prophetic model?” Our Prophet was surrounded by strong, assertive and independent women. His beloved Khadija, who we have previously mentioned, was one of the most successful business people in the Arabian Peninsula, and her wealth allowed the Prophet to retreat to the Cave of Hira where he would receive the first revelation. Ayesha, despite her young age was an assertive, free-spirited, intellectual powerhouse who would become one of the great female scholars in history. The foundation for her intellectual greatness was laid by the Prophet himself who recognised her brilliance. Zainab bint Jahsh ran a “non-profit” organisation. She would make various handicrafts, sell them in the market and then use the proceeds to secretly give charity to the poor people of Medina. Umm Salama had the courage to migrate from Mecca to Medina, unescorted, although she was ultimately accompanied by a single rider. She also had the vision to resolve the crisis at Hudaybiyya. These were all wives of the Prophet. To their names we could add those of many other strong and dynamic women who played a major role in the life of the fledgling Muslim community. Another issue that is leading to many otherwise eligible women remaining single relates to colour. If a panel of Muslim men, whose origins were in the Muslim world, were to choose Miss World, the title would likely never leave Scandinavia. No matter how beautiful a woman with a brown, black, or even tan complexion was, she would never be quite beautiful enough, because of her skin colour. This attitude informs the way many choose their wives. This is a sensitive issue, but it is one we must address if we are to advance as a community. We may think that ours is a “colourblind” community, however, there are legions of women who have been relegated to the status of unmarriageable social pariahs who would beg to differ. God has stated that the basis for virtue with Him is piety; not tribe, race, or national origin. (49:13) The Prophet reminded us that God does not look at our physical forms, or at our wealth. Rather, He looks at our hearts and our deeds. (Muslim) We debase ourselves when we exalt what God has belittled. God and His messenger have belittled skin colour and body shape and size as a designator of virtue or distinction. What does it say about us when we use these criteria as truncheons to painfully bludgeon some of the most beautiful women imaginable into social insignificance? Marriage is not a playground where the ego thoughtlessly pursues its vanities. This is something the chivalrous young man mentioned at the outset of this essay understood. It is an institution that helps a man and a woman pursue the purpose of their creation: to glorify and worship God and to work, within the extent of our capabilities and resources, to make the world a better place for those we share it with and for those we will leave it to. This role is beautifully captured in the Qur’an, “The believing men and women are the supporting friends of each other. They enjoin right, forbid wrong, establish regular prayer, pay the poor due, and they obey God and His Messenger. They expect God’s Mercy. Surely, God is Mighty, Wise.” (9:71) Imam Zaid Shakir is a resident scholar at the Zaytuna Institute in Hayward, California. This article was originally published in emel.

The Evils of Smoking part 4

Only few of those addicted to smoking are able to stop it. The reasons for this are many, among which are the following:

(a). The addictive nature of the poisonous substances contained in it.
(b). The smokers are not totally convinced of its prohibition.
(c). They do not have a strong determination to refrain from it.

The following are some suggestions to help a person stop smoking:

1. Rely on Allah sincerely, with full determination not to return to smoking, in compliance with Allah’s command:
‘When you decide on a certain course of action, place your trust in Allah.’

(Al-lmran 3:159)

2. Stop immediately instead of claiming it is best to do it gradually. The gradual approach is the way of one who does not trust his determination and the will power that Allah has granted him. Let the example be taken from the Sahabah who, as soon as Allah’s command reached them regarding alcohol: ‘Will you not then desist?’ (Al-Maa’idah 5:91) they immediately poured out all the alcohol that they had and said, "We desist our Lord, we desist!" They did this despite the fact that alcohol has a greater addictive power over those who drink it.

3. Avoid the bad company of smokers and smoking environments that are full with the smell of smoke.

4. Change the food diet by abstaining from foods and drinks that would entice the craving to smoke such as spices, meat, tea, and coffee; and eat a lot of vegetables and fruits.

5. Use medically tested and established procedures to help stop smoking, as directed by physicians, such as nicotine patches, nicotine gum, etc.

6. Expel the secret whispers of Satan who continuously dictates to the human being that he is weak and incapable of refraining from sinning, as Allah Ta’ala states (what means):
‘It is but Satan who instils (into you) fear of his allies; so do not fear them, but fear Me if you are (truly) believers.’

‘Fight then against the allies of Satan; indeed, Satan’s guile is weak.’

The Evils of Smoking part 3

A smoker, whether he likes it or not, makes an example of himself for his children and others to follow. He leads them to commit this evil. Actions sometimes have a stronger effect than words. Thus, even if he advises them or forbids them from smoking, his partaking of it provides them with a strong excuse to do it.

The problem is worse when the smoker is of known piety or knowledge. In such case, his harm becomes more emphasised, because more people take him as guide and example and are thus lead astray by him. This multiplies his sins and increases his burden.

The majority of good people avoid smoking and stay away from smokers. Therefore, a smoker would be forced to stay away from them - at least while he smokes. He puts himself in selective exile, creating a spiritual distance and hostility between him and the good people, and a closeness to the evil people. The effects of this become more apparent and acute with time. Note that this applies equally to any sin that a person commits either large or small.

A smoker despises himself, because he feels that a little cigarette is controlling him. Realising his weakness due to his desire, this creates in him a feeling of defeat in the face of hardships.

Since smoking became known to Muslims, all of the great scholars who have the capability of Ijtihad (deriving verdicts in new situations) agree to its prohibition. Thus, there is no value for baseless opinions, conflicting with this, provided by self-proclaimed lesser scholars.

In discussing the subject of the prohibition of smoking, there are some important warnings that need to be mentioned:

1. As indicated before, the prohibition of smoking is not restricted to cigarettes, but applies as well to other objects that have similar effects such as cigars, pipes, water-pipes, chewing tobacco or sniffing tobacco, etc.
2. The reasons mentioned above for prohibiting smoking apply as well, and more strongly, to various types of drugs such as hashish marijuana and ecstasy. These materials have additional problems such as causing drunkenness, death, madness, etc.
3. The prohibition of smoking is not restricted to consuming it, but applies as well to offering it to people, sitting with those who are smoking, or selling it. All of this involves helping people commit sins, which is prohibited, as Allah Ta’ala states (what means):

‘Help one another in righteousness and piety, and do not help one another in sinning and transgression. And fear and revere Allah; verily, Allah is severe in punishment.

(Al-Maidah 5:2)

Also, Allah’s Messenger said: Indeed when Allah prohibits something, he prohibits eating its price. 

(Ahmad and Abu Dawud: Ibn Abbas; authenticated by al-Albaani

The Evils of Smoking part 2

Smoking is also harmful to the human mind and its power to reason. An obvious demonstration of this is that one who is addicted to it passes through periods of severe craving, making it hard for him to think, concentrate, solve a problem, or do any important matter, until he smokes.

His digestive system is also affected, causing him frequent nervousness and trembling of the hands. He passes through periods of excitability and he becomes an insomniac.

Therefore, instead of being the slave of Allah, a smoker becomes a slave to his cigarette. The faculty of reason, clear and unobstructed, is one of Allah’s great bounties on people. Allah Ta’ala has praised it in numerous places of the Qura’an; and He called on people to use it to see the truth and obey Him in a better way. Allah wants of the believer to be strong and capable of controlling the reigns of his desires. He has stated:
‘Allah wants to let you into His mercy, whereas those who follow the desires want you to drift far away (from the right path).’

(An-Nisa 4:27)

A smoker also emits his poison in the faces of his companions, wife, children, and the environment. It is a well-established fact that passive smoking is almost as dangerous as first-hand. Thus, whether they like it or not, a smoker’s associates are forced to inhale the smoke and be inflicted with this poison as well.

In addition to the poison normally carried in the smoke, if a smoker has a contagious disease, such as tuberculosis or influenza, his exhaled smoke and coughing will also carry the disease to those around him.
Furthermore, a smoker regularly irritates people by the foul smell and poisonous nature of his smoking. If they suffer from asthma or allergies, they are forced to move away from his vicinity. The Prophet sallallahu alaihe wasallam said: Anyone who believes in Allah and the Last Day should not hurt his neighbour. 

(Al-Bukhari)

Thus, smoking constitutes a definite harm to other people; this is prohibited, as was indicated in the Hadith cited earlier. Also, a smoker is certainly a bad companion to sit with, as is depicted in the following Hadith:
Verily, the example of a good companion and a bad one is like that of a perfume merchant and a blacksmith: As for the perfume merchant, he would either grant you (some perfume), or you would buy (some perfume) from him, or (in the least) you would get a good smell from him. And as for the blower of the bellows (ironsmith), you would either get a foul odour from him, or he would burn your clothes. 

(Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

A smoker wastes his wealth on that which harms and has no benefit; he will be asked about his wealth and how he spent it, as has been cited in the Hadith earlier. His wealth belongs to Allah, so how would he dare to waste it in disobedience to Him Allah Ta’ala states(what means): ‘And do not entrust to the imprudent ones the possessions that Allah has placed in your charge.’

(An-Nisa 4:5)

‘And do not waste (your resources) extravagantly. Indeed the squanderers are the brethren of the devils.’ 

(Al-lsra’ 17:26-27)

And the Prophet sallallahu alaihe wasallam said: Allah hates for you three things: gossiping, begging, and wasting money. 

(Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Furthermore, there are numerous cases of carpets, furniture, and even complete houses and establishments burning down due to this disastrous vice. Smoking is a form of moral decadence. It is spread mostly among the low-class, immoral people. It reflects blind imitation of the Kuffar and non-pious Muslims. It is mostly consumed in bars, discos, casinos, and other places of sin. A smoker may beg or steal if he does not have the money to buy cigarettes. He is ill mannered with his friends and family, especially when he misses taking his necessary "dose" at the usual time.

Smoking involves the consumption of an evil substance (khabeeth). It has a foul smell, foul taste and is harmful to the body. This is sufficient to prohibit it, because Allah Ta’ala states (what means):
‘(The Prophet ) who will enjoin upon them the doing of what is right, forbid them the doing of what is wrong, make lawful to them the good things of life, prohibit for them the evil things, and lift from them their burdens and the shackles that were (previously) upon them.’

(Al-A’raf 7:157)

A smoker inhales smoke that does not give him any nourishment. This is similar to the action of the people of the Hell fire who eat harmful thorny plants:

‘No food will be there for them but a poisonous thorny plant, which will neither nourish them nor still their hunger.’

(Al-Ghaashiyah 88:6-7)

The Evils of Smoking part 1

THE EVILS OF SMOKING
 By A Student of Darul Uloom 
Holcombe, Bury, U.K.


Since the first discovery of tobacco was made in America in the fifteenth century, the aepidemic of smoking has spread continuously around the world. As early as the Seventeenth Century, the European countries realised the dangers of smoking and hastened to ordain Laws in England and various other countries to prohibiting smoking. The Western countries, even today, continue their attempts in combating smoking. They employ means of media, pass legislation and apply multiple methods to discourage people from smoking.
Smoking has, to an extent, become the rule and abstaining from it the exception. Often, people look down with astonishment and contempt at a person who when a cigarette is offered to him, declines explaining that he does not smoke. Offering cigarettes to guests has become a matter of hospitality!

Furthermore, those who pretend to represent the Deen are among the worst addicts. When they are reproached or reprimanded of their vice, they respond by providing weak excuses to justify it. They slyly remark that there is no clear text prohibiting smoking. Whereby they conclude that smoking is not prohibited, but is only makruh (disliked). In this manner they provide a poor excuse for the ignorant and establish a bad example for others.

Thus, it has become necessary to write an article which provides evidence regarding the ruling of smoking in Islam. We hope that this will benefit our Muslim brothers and sisters; and we ask Allah Ta’ala to accept it from us as a sincere deed for His pleasure.

Smoking refers to the act of lighting tobacco or materials of similar effect, which is then sucked on with the lips to extract smoke. This smoke is inhaled into the chest and then exhaled from the nose and mouth. "Smoking", is now used to refer to the action of producing this smoke in English, Arabic, and other languages.
There are many reasons, any one of which are sufficient, to rule smoking as prohibited. Most importantly, it is harmful to the Deen, health, environment, family, brotherhood and social relations, property, etc.
Smoking damages a person’s act of worship, and reduces their rewards. For instance, it ruins the salaah, which is a pillar of Deen. The Prophet  said: ‘Whoever eats garlic or onion, let him avoid us and our masjid, and stay in his home. The angels are surely hurt by things that hurt the human beings.’ (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Those people, with clean and pure nature, have no doubt that the smell emanating from the mouth of a smoker is worse and more foul than that from the mouth of one who ate garlic or onion. Therefore, a smoker has two options, either to harm the praying people and the angels with his foul smell, or abstain from the prayer with jama’ah.

Smoking also ruins fasting. Fasting becomes very hard on the smoker. As soon as the day is over, he hastens to break his fast on an evil cigarette instead of sweet dates or pure water. Even if he fasts throughout the month of Ramadhaan he will be reluctant to fast on other days. Thus he loses the great reward of those who fast even one day in Allah’s path.

The harm that smoking does to the human body is undeniable. The medical evidence for this is well established and overwhelming. Because of this, the law in the United Kingdom and many other countries requires including a government health warning on the packet and on any advertisement.
Smoking contains poisonous materials, such as nicotine, tar, carbon monoxide, arsenic, benzopyrene, etc., which the smoker inhales in small proportions. Their harm accumulates in time, resulting in a gradual damage of the human organs and tissues.

The hazards of smoking to health are hard to count. Cancer, tuberculosis, heart attacks, asthma, coughing, premature birth, infertility, infections in the digestive system, high blood pressure, nervousness, mouth and teeth diseases, etc., are among the many health hazards that have been strongly linked to smoking.
These diseases may not all appear at once, but a smoker runs the risk of suffering from some of them, and his suffering increases as he grows older. Furthermore, statistics have established that smokers, on the average, reduce their age by ten years.

This in itself is sufficient to prohibit smoking. Islam prohibits any action that causes harm to oneself or to other people. Allah Ta’ala says :
‘Do not kill yourselves, Allah is indeed merciful to you.’

(An-Nisa’ 4-29)

‘Do not cast yourselves, with your own hands, into destruction.’ 

(Al-Baqarah 2:195)

And the Messenger  says: ‘No harm may be inflicted on oneself or others.’ 

(Ahmad and Ibn Maajah from Ibn Abbaas and Ubaadah)

‘The feet of a human being will not depart, on the day of Judgement, from his standing before his Lord, until he is questioned about five things: his lifetime - how did he pass it, his youth - how did he used it, his wealth - where did he earn it and how did he spend it, and how did he follow what he knew.’ 

(At-Tirmithi and others from Ibn Mas‘ud and Abu Barzah )

‘Whoever consumes poison, killing himself with it, then he will he consuming his poison in the hellfire, and he will abide in it permanently and eternally.’ 

(Al-Bukhari and Muslim from Jaabir)

81 ways to win your Wifes Love! 61-81

61. Cook a dish for her.
62. Designate a nice, clean, spacious area in your home for the two of you to pray at night whenever you can.
63. Women love flowers. Make a trail of them on the floor leading to the gift you made for her.
64. Give her a nice massage when she least expects it.
65. Send your wife a text message out of the blue with a message of love.
66. Send your wife an email without a reason.
67. Go out on a date or a get-away for the weekend in a nice location, preferably without kids.
68. Do something for your wife’s family, whether it is a gift, or a chat with her teen brother who needs mentoring, or whatever. It will get you lots of brownie points.
69. Do not keep reminding and demanding your rights all the time.
70. Shop groceries for her and call her from the store and ask her what she needs for the home, for herself or for her to give to people as gifts.


71. Ask her if she would like to invite her female friends over for ladies only get together and arrange for the dinner.
72. Ask her to send gifts to her parents and siblings.
73. Help her parents pay off debt. Send her poor relatives some money.
74. Write love notes or poems and place them in the book she’s been reading.
75. If she tells you something she had just learned from the Qur’an or Hadith, do not dismiss her or ridicule her effort, instead listen to her and take her word.


76. Plant her a kitchen garden with all kind of herbs she needs for cooking.
77. Adopt a kitten for her if she likes.
78. Update her PC or laptop with a new one or get her a new mobile phone.
79. Learn to do a special massage technique and surprise her with your new expertise.
80. Teach your children to respect and honor their mother.
81. Be humorous with her when she makes a mistake in the kitchen (like when she put too much salt or burnt her baking).


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