Harshness

Harshness And Rough Treatment Of One’s Wife

It is often the case that marital disharmony stems from the fact that a husband is harsh and severe in his treatment of his wife; perhaps he loves to lead, he is proud, or he wants to show his superiority over his wife. Whatever the reason, there is no excuse for treating one’s wife harshly.

In all aspects of life, a Muslim must avoid developing a severe and harsh character, one that will naturally repel others. But harshness is particularly unacceptable in one’s dealings with one’s wife and family. The Shari’ah commands Muslims to be gentle in their dealings, a fact that is alluded to in the
saying of Allah (SWT):

“And had you been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you” (Quran 3:159)

And in previously revealed Books, the Messenger of Allah (S.A.A.W) was described thus: “He is neither severe nor harsh-hearted” (Al-Bukhari 2125) Hudhaifah (RAA) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (S.A.A.W) said:

“Shall I not inform you of the most evil of Allah’s slave: the one who is severe and proud.” (Muslim/Ahmed)

He (SAAW) also said:
“When Allah ‘Azza wa-Jall (the Possessor of might and majesty) wants for goodness (to befall) the people of a household, He inserts gentleness into them (i.e., He guide them to be gentle in their dealings with one another).”

He (SAAW) also said:
“Whoever is disproved of gentleness is deprived of all goodness.” (Muslim/Ahmed/Ibn Majah and others)

In yet another Hadith, the Prophet (SAAW) said:
“The most complete of believers in Eemaan (faith, belief) is the best of them in manners and the gentlest (and kindest) of them to his family.”

To be sure, a husband is the head and leader of his family, but, as is the case with all leaders, he must govern them with gentleness, mercy, and good manners. And is a woman is afflicted with a husband who is harsh with her, she should be patient as much as she can, and she should try to soften his heart, using wisdom and kind words to achieve that end.